Hard Talks over tea

     What would it take for you to welcome uncomfortably into the one place that you have always felt safe? To work through hurt in the one space where you have always felt joy and healing? To bring to the surface that which you keep locked away, deep inside you so as to preserve your peace and your joy? This was the task that my mother and I daringly set ourselves to throughout this ‘Rituals’ assignment. 

The Ritual:

My mother is my best friend and confidant. I usually FaceTime with her at least three times a day, so that we can live life together. What I did with this project was took something that I do quite often (FaceTimeing my mother), went to a space where there was a table and chairs (so as to physically replicate a serious conversation one might have in person) over tea (one of our favorite things to do). Each day we came up with a new topic-particularly something that we don’t talk about, or I would be inclined to skirt around-and we discussed for hours. 

I documented each day with a photograph before conversing and painted with watercolors using a bit of the tea we drank as we talked. 

The Conversations: Day 1

In all honestly it was really difficult. Not because talking with my mother is difficult (I can’t imagine that ever being the case) but the subject matter itself was challenging to work through. The first day we talked about Politics. While our conversation itself was really good, fruitful, insightful, and encouraging it was really really uncomfortable for me. I, for one, strongly dislike politics and avoid such discussions like the plague. I have perfected the art of subtly removing myself from political discussions no matter how civil they are. I just don’t like it and never have. I felt like a fidgety child trying to sit though, and participate in, a very grown up conversation. But my mother is so gracious and so wise; that I think I grew up a bit that day.

 Conversations Day 2

On the second day we talked about what just might be every child’s fear: their parents growing old. We discussed the realities that we sometimes try to ignore, such as: our parents not being able to take care of us anymore, the fears associated with such realities, and how life did not quite treat us how we expected it to and how painful facing these things can be. 

    Note: we had to change locations due to wifi connection issues and the amount of people in the area

 

  There are some truths that are harder to face than others like the inevitability of losing the people you love or watching the bodies of your parents betray them. Some chose to refuse to see these things, as a weight to heavy to carry. I did too, until today, and I think my mother and I both grew a little stronger because of it. 

Conversation  3 

Our conversations the third day stemmed directly from 1st Samuel 24:6 where David acknowledges that even though he has been anointed to be King over Israel and Saul had already been excluded from God’s blessings he still calls Saul “the Lord’s anointed”. This conversation centered around God’s anointed irritants in life, when people mistreat you and do you wrong and how to act in humility and abide in the Spirit of God.

Conversation 4

The conversation that we held on the fourth day was debatably the most difficult for both of us and lies at the core of the previous two conversations; it dealt with being alone despite adhering to all that God has called you to do. What happens when it seems as though obedience is not rewarded? When you give your life to Jesus and your energies are spent? What happens when the people you have served all of your life seem to leave you alone at the feat of Jesus? How do you see weakness as strength and brokenness as perfection? What do you do when you have made all of the right decisions biblically but that does not account for the broken place you seem to be.

I have admired my mother all of my life. I know her to be the strongest, most long suffering, genuinely loving, faithful, and God-fearing people I know. Yet, in the wisdom of her years and in the wisdom I have gained at the feat of Jesus there are still some unanswered questions. There is a section in one of my favorite books ‘The Hiding Place’ by Corrie Ten Boom where her father says, “Some knowledge is just to heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.” 

    In this week alone I believe that my mother and I both grew older and stronger together. But most importantly, we realized that for all of the wisdom and experience we have acquired, we are still little children learning to trust whole heartedly in our Heavenly Father.

Conversation 5

Our final conversation centered around the lighter topic of getting married and making that choice before God to enter into such a commitment. 

There are a few times in our lives when God invites you into making a choice. Yet he challenges us to make the choice, to dream and to love. This power of choice is truly capable of incredible things.